She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
