He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
