perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
where are my eyebrows?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
