Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
