I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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