I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
