You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
