Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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