when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
