remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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