your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
high people should be assigned attendants
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize