My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
