i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
