Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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