Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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