My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
