some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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