You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
