When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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