i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize