1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
