That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
and you fell through a lawn chair
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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