im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
