how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
