Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i believe in u and ur pee
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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