They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
