I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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