she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
