nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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