I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
