i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
