I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
