so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
