Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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