I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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