how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Randomize
