i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You made out with two different species that night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
