Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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