We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
