I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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