He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
