We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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