I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
