its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
