anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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