fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
my poor anus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
