You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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