Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
