I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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