What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
