M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
