And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
