U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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