there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
