my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
