The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
