Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
