He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
