the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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