My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
