Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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