Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
