Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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