Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
did i walk over a car last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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