she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
