I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
