Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
