k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
