That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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