I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
